Be aware of your value: How much do you like yourself


" If we really loved ourselves, we would not hurt each other." Buda

One of the most fashionable terms in our time is probably "to love yourself." What is it that loves self? And why is it so important? When we enter social media, we are confronted with people who claim to love themselves. But when we look into the world, we see that the number of people who really love themselves is in the minority. As Buddha said, if we really loved ourselves, we would not hurt each other. However, the world is full of people who constantly hurt each other, harming nature and animals. Can the world claim that we really love ourselves in this situation?

Most people think of narcissism as love for themselves. I am here to talk about loving ourselves in a healthy way without exaggerating our own. Trying to keep yourself in the best possible way, looking at yourself as if you look at a baby … There are activities that are good for our body, our soul. Healthy self love is to be your best friend. A person who really loves himself is aware of his own worth. Such a person is far away from the relationships he or she deserves. Again, those who love themselves accept themselves with weaknesses and strengths, do not strive themselves for their weaknesses, and try to develop them if possible. The high level of self-love allows the person to be positively influenced in the social environment, comfortable and self-accepting (Rogers, 1961). On the other hand, people with low self-esteem tend to see themselves as small and unworthy, and are inadequate in social settings (Blatt & Zuroff, 1992).

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We do not express ourselves that we love ourselves, but with our actions. I mean only " I love myself very much " to say that we do not show our love to ourselves. How much do you like yourself? You can answer these questions to know how much you love yourself. To love oneself in a real way, has taken care of itself. What are you doing for your physical, mental and mental well-being? For example, do you pass the annual health check? Are you well fed? Do you do sports? Do you have any hobbies? What are the activities you did to feed your soul? How do your friends group consist of people? How are your friends' attitudes towards you? If we are people who are not very good at themselves, our group of friends will be made up of people who mirror our behavior. As we begin to love ourselves unconditionally, we will either want to take our friends out of our lives or this kind of friends will improve their behavior towards you. How come you behave yourself? How do you talk to yourself during the day? Are you connected to some conditions you like yourself? For example, do you lose ten pounds or earn more money and you will love yourself more? I am sorry if you love yourselves and are connected to external causes but you do not like yourself so much.

What can we do to love ourselves more and take better care of ourselves?

1. Forgive yourself

Yes it is hard to forgive. And the most difficult kind of forgiveness is to forgive ourselves. The literature on forgiveness is generally directed to forgive others. Research on self-reliance has only begun in recent years. But forgiveness is a very important act and I think that a beautiful life has a very important effect in our life. Of course, if we made a mistake or if we broke someone's heart, I would not forget it the next day and let our life continue. But if we have not forgiven ourselves for years because of an event, it may prevent us from fully loving ourselves. Besides, we may not have had a good life because we have forgiven ourselves. According to researches done, forgiving oneself harms our body and our soul. Forgiveness has positive effects. A study conducted in 2014 found that self-forgiveness was a positive effect in the healing of eating disorders (Sun Lee, Hye & Min Kim, Jung. If you also need to forgive yourself, come do yourself a favor from now on, forgive yourself completely. Remember, we can not bring back the past. So we do not have a chance to correct the mistakes we made in the past. However, we have the chance to take lessons from them and not repeat the same mistakes again.

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2. Do not nurture your mind

How do you feed a person who really loves you? Do you prefer fast food style food every day or a healthy eating style that will be good for your body? We know what kind of nutrition is best for our multiple bodies. Are we aware of what comes to your mind or not? Be careful how you feed your mind throughout the day. For example, what types of accounts do you follow in social media? Stop talking about negative accounts and keep track of accounts that have contributed to global violence. At the same time, if you are willing to read the malicious comments in social media, leave this feeling behind as soon as possible. Watch out for social media as well as the sequences and movies you watch. Take care to watch movies that inspire people, who are good for your mind and your soul. Make frequent news detox. Remember to turn your mind into a rose garden.

3. Treat yourself as you are

Self-esteem is a concept that Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow, often mentioned, are the most important pioneers of humanistic psychology. Self-acceptance " It is defined as" the person accepts himself as positive and negative in all aspects without being caught in the sentiments of guilt, inadequacy, liking, or teaching "(Kılıççı, 1981). We do not accept ourselves as we are children. The fact that our parents treat us like we are when we are children will lead us to accept ourselves more easily when we grow up. If we do not accept our family as our child, then what are we going to do? The answer is both simple and difficult. We will accept it as our mother, father, and ourselves as a whole with our strengths and weaknesses. You can start with an exercise to take the first step for this: Divide a notebook page into two. Write your strong features on the left and your weak features on the right. For example, one of your powerful characteristics may be that you are a generous person. If you have any of your weaknesses, you may be constantly comparing yourself to others. After you've done your list, read what you wrote. You, like all other people in this world, are a total together with your gains and exits. If you are willing to focus on the negative aspects of yourself constantly, please give up quickly. Yes, you may have sides that you do not like, like all of us. But at the same time you are a person with the features you like. From now on you can focus on the positive features of yourself and live by accepting your negative aspects. Instead of hitting ourselves on the ground for negative directions, we can try to fix them. For example, let's make a rumor about your unlikely feature that you get on the list. What can you do to correct this? So our formula to accept ourselves is to read them and then read them, to acknowledge ourselves as a whole and to develop our own weaknesses, if we want to, to be self-confident. As you begin to accept yourself as you are, you will begin to accept the people around you as they are, and believe me, you will be happier.

There are many activities that we will do to love ourselves more and to look after ourselves better. Let's go on to this topic next week and see what else we can do.

You can reach me for your questions [email protected] . I share exercises about feeling good from my Instagram account .

You may withdraw interest: Heal the injured child inside you


  • Blatt, S. J. & Zuroff, D. C. (1992). Interpersonal relatedness and self definition: Two prototypes for depression. Clinical PsychologyReview, 12, 527-562.
  • KILIÇÇI, Y :, 1981. "Some Variables Affecting Acceptance of University Students" H. Ü. Social and Administrative Sciences Faculty. Psychological Counseling and Guidance Ch. Associate Professor Thesis. Ankara
  • Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.
  • Sun Lee, Hye & Min Kim, Jung. (2014). The Effect of Self-Forgiveness, the Forgiveness of Others, Shame and Guilt on Female Adolescents' Eating Attitude. Journal of Korean Home Management Association. 32. 10.7466 / JKHMA.2014.32.1.117.